Fields of Butterflies, Reality Escapes Her

She says that love
Is for fools who fall behind
I'm somewhere between--
Never really know a killer from a saviour,
'Till I break at the bend~

I really hate making trips back to Mississippi. It makes me want to stay so bad. I enjoy myself, don't get me wrong, but by the time it's over, I just want to sit there in the car and do nothing but cry.
I usually do.
Unusually, though, I didn't on this trip back up. Reading all the interstate signs that proclaimed 'North' instead of 'South,' as though they were proud of the fact, was quite heartbreaking. Instead of crying, I found relief in simply getting snappy and falling into myself, I suppose. It's a state I've been in lately. Except more tired instead of snappy. But Ange said that it seemed as though I haven't had much to say lately. I really haven't.
The trip was lovely, though. I caught up with two very important people, and I may have accidentally caused one to break up with her boyfriend. Whoops. Oh well; didn't like him anyway. He was no good for her, too insecure and mistrusting. I'm of a mind that there should be some level of trust after a certain point, which there seemed to be none of. Appearently, I was too affectionate with my hugs and latches and her putting her arm casually around my shoulder and looping it through mine. She must have been cheating on him with me! Gasp.

Funny that we're both pretty straight, although I do love a guy who can look as pretty as a girl.

Shows how confident he was in her, the bastard. He doesn't grasp the concept of 'hey; they're girls. They might get clingy if they haven't seen each other in a while!'
Dillhole. Bah.
Oh well. So, I'll send her a text message at some in the painfully near future to see how all of that boiled over, now that I think about it. I asked a while ago, she said it had gone pretty badly, but I wonder if things have cleared up by now. Or maybe they've broken up, in which case much guilt would follow.

I went to go look at LSU in Baton Rouge while I was down there, too. It was a nice school. Big, but nice. I liked it alright, they just didn't quite have exactly what it was that I wanted. The scholarships they offered seemed promising; it makes me wonder what the rest of the colleges out there offer. So I'll keep looking. I want to hit up the colleges in the southeast coast area [Georgia, the Carolinas, what have you], and maybe look into a few on the west coast, whether or not my parents want me to. If the school pays for all of it and it's got what I want, g'bye, babes. I'd be gone so fast. Mom said to go for it, but I think Ange would have a spell. Oh well~

Hung out with Sydney a lot while I was down there, too. That was pretty super. We spent all of our time doing nothing. It was great.

Whatelsewhatelse...
Anyway, I got back last week. Deidre came over last Sunday to give me the house key back [she'd been feeding my cat], and then we went to get her registered for school on Monday [I didn't have the money right then, so I'm going to do that on Tuesday]. I went to the library with Mom on Wednesday, and I picked up my second book for the reading list for AP World History this year. Got one read already, and I should finish reading this one some time this week. I'll write up that one's report after that, and then I'll proofread them some time before school starts, which is the first.

Oh my God, where has the summer gone? Already it's the middle of August. I used to get bored during summer break, but I guess what they say about life being kind of like toilet paper [the farther you get into it, the faster it goes] is rather true. I remember when an hour felt like forever, and now, even when I'm bored, an hour just feels like an hour. Unless I'm enjoying myself. Then it feels like a grand total of about ten minutes.

Thursday and Friday I just worked on languages and read, mostly. I cleaned up part of the house on Friday. I wish I had the motivation to get the place spotless, but I only do when there's only me in the house for a long time. Like... A few days. Last time I had the house to myself, I made and kept the kitchen spotless. Now it's a wreck again. FUN TIMES, I SWEAR.

Wynna put me on Weight Watchers, so I started that on Monday. I get twenty-six points a day, and then there are thirty-five allowance points to use either throughout the week or at big events. I've tapped into about six or so of mine, because, well, twenty-six is a hard point number to keep. As is twenty-five, which I'm about to get to should I lose much more weight. I hope I do. I really could do quite well being at about 17o. I figure if I lose two pounds a week, though, like the average is, I'll get to my goal around Thanksgiving.

Mmm. The Pink Panther theme song is delicious work~

So, I went back to the restaurant the week before I left for Mississippi on a Sunday. I was shaking just about the entire time, but he wasn't there. I think I mentioned that in the previous post. I almost went last Saturday [er, yesterday at the moment], but Deidre is running short on money and I don't want to go alone. So I told Mom today that she should go some time soon.
I'm such a coward lulz~

Had the strangest dreams last night. One of them played up on a fear of mine, and the other was just confusing.

In the first one, it was pretty short [or what I can remember of it].
Mom was on the computer, and I was off doing my own thing for a while. A little while passed, I walked up, and found out that she was talking to Sydney. I really didn't mind, aside from the fact it always feels like she's trying to steal my friends away from me [Nermeen, for example], so I started kind of reading over her shoulder. After all, Sydney's my best friend, and Mom's well... Mom. I can read over her shoulder. Not much reason I couldn't. Come to find out though, that Sydney had been venting some of her frustrations to Mom, which does not fly with me at all.
Just the thought of her trusting Mom over me sent me flying. I went into a rage and then I promptly woke up, simply because of how distressing the entire situation seemed in my mind, I imagine.

The second dream was a little longer.
I was in my old house; the one back in Mississippi.
Some dude had some sort of vendetta against me for reasons unbeknownst to me, and wound up coming into the kitchen, which was where I was. I think I was making ramen or something. Anyway, the guy comes up to me and just starts yelling at me, and I'm just kind of standing there, turned away from my cooking whatever, kind of all 'uhhh.' So he somehow gets me to the floor and, here comes the really weird part because of what happened later, he winds up jabbing a hole into my stomach and takes out the intestines. Go figure how I'm still alive three hours later, right? I think my brain was focusing on the fact that disembowelment was a long way to die, and focused less on the fact that it hurt like hell and I wouldn't stand a chance if it was all taken out the way it was. Anyway, he leaves, and here I am walking around with a sort of bloody shirt. My brain wasn't even focusing on the fact that it was a bloody way to go. I go change shirts, though, because mine's kind of ruined now, and I go into the living room, where Mom and Wynna are. At this point, I say something like "Hey, guys, some dude just disemboweled me. Do you think we can go to the emergency room?"
needless to say, they both agreed and piled me up in the car, Mom driving. We get up to the main road from the neighborhood I'm living in, and all of the sudden, Mom says "OHWAIT I FORGOT WE NEED TO GO SOMEWHERE BEFORE WE GO TO THE E.R.." Wynna's in the passenger seat, flipping out, but I'm sitting in back, feeling just slightly uncomfortable [not in pain, just feeling like... part of me's missing. {ORLY}] So, Mom takes us to some conference area, and it turns out some couple is getting married. I look over at Wynna after a while, and I ask if we can go any time soon, because I'm starting to not feel well at all. Still not in pain, just growing more and more uncomfortable. Wynna's freaking out and tells me we will quite soon, then looks over at Mom and says we really need to leave. She's kind of freaking out. Mom looks around and looks rather upset and says "BUT THEN AFTER THIS IS THE RECEPTION AND THEN SO AND SO ARE GETTING MARRIED, TOO."
Wynna started chewing Mom out, and I start feeling naucious, so I escape to the bathroom and proceed to have what can't go down in my stomach [because there's nothing past there anymore, really] come back up.

Some time after that, I woke up, still having not gone to the hospital. Ugh.
Really, of all the things for Mom to do. I told Mom when she got here today, and she was laughing but said it made her feel so bad. She promised that if anyone ever disemboweled me, though, she'd take me to the emergency room.

I appriciated the thought. :]