Come, someone, make my heavy heart light;

It all starts with a lullabye.

So, I went to the restaurant today.
I was shaking when I walked in. I thought his car was there, but I'm beginning to think that it might not be his car, but whoever's he's related to in there. I shook for a solid ten minutes until I realised something.
He wasn't there.
A bullet dodged.
But also a bullet taken. I wanted him to at least be there so he could spend his entire time avoiding me or something. At the same time, I also wanted him to not be there, as to continue to avoid that awkward scenario. But Ms. Amy, the waitress there, was a doll, as usual. I took Deidre and Megan with me today, and I hadn't been there in two months. She'd asked if I'd been busy, and even after two months of not showing up, she still remembered that I wanted green tea, ginger salad, and chopsticks, and guessed that the food I ordered to take out to Ange was, in fact, for Ange.
My fortune cookie told me that I'd be able to hear some good, written news soon. Didn't say it would directly be for me, but I hoped. Less than an hour later, I got a text message from Sydney that said her grandmother had saved $3oo at the J.C. Penny's store, and that she had gotten three new shirts with Hello Kitty on them. Makes me wonder if that was the good news I was supposed to hear. It certainly wasn't what I had hoped for.

For some stupid reason, I'm hoping again for an e-mail [I blame the fortune cookie]. How the hell he'd know that I went there and spent nearly my entire time there just looking for him, half-hoping and half-dreading for his arrival, is beyond me.
Maybe he just works on Saturdays.
Or maybe his Visa expired and he had to go back to China to play with the pandas.
Maybe I scared him into quitting working there ever by giving him that note. Maybe I've made him begin to avoid that place like the fucking plague because some stupid, scary little American girl became infatuated with him and decided to be an ass, like every American in the world is, and push her feelings on him. What's creepier is that stupid, scary little American girl is still freakishly adoring of him, and has lately been thinking about him almost as much as I did when I first started to like him.
Deidre and Megan said we should go again after I get back from my trip down south.

On top of this, though, now I'm even more worried about getting into college. I was pretty confident, what with last semester's 3.95GPA, and the semester's before that of about 3.8, but then when Ange was talking about taking it and my information on grades on tests and things recently, Mom brought up the fact that the schools would likely want to see all of my GPAs from high-school and average them together.
Akjngadfn;klndfa;ldjfoewingfsd.
No one told me this before. I was informed that they'd only want the GPAs that came from my most recent school. If they just had those, my GPA'd be likely, by the time I was finished, somewhere around a 3.8somethingifyouroundedupit'dgoto3.9. If they had my other grades, though, from homeschool, they might get a good... 3.5, maybe, all averaged out. At best. Mom's all like "Don't worry, that's still above average!"
Even if it is above average, it's barely that. Colleges now want little prodigies, likely, and even more so, what with the economy being in the God-forsaken state it's in. My SAT is about average, and my ACT is slightly above average. It's nothing impressive. I took some AP class tests that I didn't even have to, and I only got a 3 out of 5 on college credit recommendation for my Literature. I got a 4 out of 5 on World History, which I guess is a bonus.
My head is going to explode.
What I don't get is if you only live once, why does it have to be so damn hard? Why can't we all run around and have a great time and live?
I'd like to live. I'd like it a lot. I'd like to, for once, not worry over my grades or my future occupational status or money or stupid stuff. I want to live. Doesn't anyone else? How can people justify 'life' as sitting behind a desk for some tweleve or more years, filling out stupid, mundane information that people tell you to, and then going on to continue doing the exact same thing, but for money just so they can meet their bare needs? I don't understand. To me, it looks like 'life' is the first five years, when no one really cares too much what you do, as long as it doesn't hurt you or anyone else, and then when one grows old and can stop doing what they were and then start living again.
Now you have to almost be dead to get to retire, though.
Sure, I mean, there are some people who get the job of their dreams and love what it is they do, but how often, honestly, does that happen? How often do people honestly get to look back on their life and say that they really lived the entire time?
I really do wonder sometimes.

As a side-note, no relationship I even moderately admire ever seems to last.

On more positive notes, however, I should be finally getting a new phone tomorrow. I hope. I was going to get it on Friday, but UPS was being a jerkwad and wouldn't let Mom pick it up. Jerkwads. But, that'll be good.
Today, before we went to the restaurant, Deidre, Megan, and I went to an art in the park festival/flea market thing. It was pretty fun; there were lots of little things that were neat to look at, but it was all really expensive. They had the oversized Celtic cross necklaces that I've always wanted in one booth, but they seemed to be hand-made and it was far too expensive for someone with only forty dollars to buy. I did buy Ange a five-dollar tiny white elephant plush which she immediately fell in love with. We named him George, but in the Hispanic pronunciation. It is super awesome. There's a white elephant in the rooooom.
I watched Labyrinth on Friday with the two of them on Friday, too. That was fun. I downloaded
Magic Dance and proceeded to dance around afterwards. You remind me of the babe~
We're going to be pretty busy this week. Tomorrow, we're going to go to a restaurant that Megan and I have never gone to before, and then Tuesday I don't think we're doing anything, but Wednesday and Thursday we're doing things. Rummage sale on Thursday, swimming on Wednesday.

Friday, I leave for Mississippi. Then on the third, we're going to go to Louisiana. Sydney might get to go if she gets the time off of work, but I'm not sure.
We'll see.

Dance, Magic Dance~