止めてよ、放っといてよ、かまわないでよ

きずいてよ、振り向いてよ、抱きしめてよ。

I think I hate weekends.
I mean, I feel like I'm genuinely starting to hate them.
They make me feel inhuman. I don't know how, but if anything ever goes wrong, it's on a weekend. Always, always, always on the weekend.
Usually it's nothing even massive, but a bunch of little things brought on to me one after another, gradually eating away at my stability. I feel lower than dirt about now. Can't even really say entirely what brought it on.

Friday.
The world was against me, it felt like. We didn't have anything to put together to eat for dinner, so one of my least favourite conversations ensued for a good spell longer than usual. "What do you want for dinner?" "I don't know; what do you want?" My ear still hadn't popped for a while, I had a headache, and I hadn't talked to Sydney for a few days, which always makes me a little irate, even if just for the sake of going cold turkey on an old habit, not to mention the lack of having anyone to vent at or talk to. The kitchen was a mess, as was the living room. Felt like I couldn't look any one place without looking at a wreck of an area. That added to the crappy state I felt in.
I felt a little better after the pain killers took effect, and after talking to Alex and Sydney for a couple of hours from around ten to midnight, I thought I was feeling pretty good. Alex left at around one, and I kept talking to Sydney until... maybe three or so. At some point in the middle of all of this, right after Alex had left, my ear popped. That was pretty happy.

I went to bed feeling pretty good, slept until ten-thirty.

Saturday.
I woke up pretty happy, even though I wanted to sleep for a little while longer. I can't really justify sleeping after ten-thirty in most cases, though, and I try to wake up around that time as often as possible.
I don't know why.
I go downstairs, and Ange and I successfully did nothing until about two-thirty, when Mom came over. She started talking about her plans for today and how I needed to get re-sized for something because, even though I swore I hadn't grown, she claimed I had "grown around."
...
Thanks, Mama.
I love being told I'm fat. Makes me feel awesome inside.
As a matter of fact, I think we should start making this a trend!
Tell me this every day.
Without fail.
...
We went to lunch, the three of us, my mood, self-perception, and confidence having been shot to hell (like I had much to begin with), so I ate as little as humanly possible (but it was Mexican food. Really. I can't pass it up), keeping myself from overeating. I still wasn't terribly hungry from eating a little earlier, so it was alright.
We go, I get re-sized (and I was the same size, for the record). She buys me everything I look at, so I wound up getting two new vests and some other garbage that I told her not to over do, when we don't have the money. I told her 'no,' but after basically having both Ange and I being told pretty much that she doesn't give a fuck about what we think and she'll do what she wants, I really don't see much of a point in arguing.
It's a huge-ass waste of money, though, if you ask me.
We went back home after a while, and the pendulum for Mom's mood swung over to the negative. She starts throwing her little tantrums and such as the like, complaining at the drop of a hat.
Eventually, though, she leaves, and things start lightening up a little. I still feel like crap, but after I talk to Sydney again for a little while, I start to feel a little better, because after I vented bit, we changed the subject.
I went to bed at around four, feeling slightly better than I did at three-thirty this afternoon.

Sunday.
Oh dear.
We were going to go kite-flying. I threw together some tuna because I'm supposedly the best of the three of us (I personally think it's just because they're the ones not making it), stuck it in a bucket, and stuck it in the bag.
Let's back up.
I wake up around nine-thirty to banging around my room and find that Mom's in there, taking my computer out of my room (I leave it on, playing the music at night to help me sleep) to use it for God only knows what.
I fell back asleep for about another hour, then woke up and went down the stairs. Ate a couple of pieces of bacon, and then went down and got dressed. Then I made the tuna and what not.
We went to High Cliff and found no good place to fly a kite, so we sat there. I was still irritated from thoughts of the day before, so I'm still kind of not feeling my best by any stretch of the imagination. The tenseness between Ange and Mom is pretty appearent today, too. My phone starts freezing up if I try to send a text message, so what should take me about a minute tops takes me closer to five, and likely as not, I have to re-start the phone just shortly after. It's still doing that.
At some point, though, Ange had an epiphany that we'd both gained some weight via a picture Mom took, so starting on Tuesday, we're going to attempt to correct these errors. Or perhaps we'll splurge on Tuesday and then begin Wednesday. Either way. I'm going to strive to do some yoga every day this week, and God-forbid I overeat. I guess that was a positive.
Mom left early, so I went to take a nap, which was alright.
But I've been pretty irritable all day. At some point I got naucious for no particular reason, had a headache, and I just now got over the hiccups, which I'd had for about fifteen minutes.

I feel like an emotional wreck right now.
Not sure why.
I wonder how long it will last...