きずいてよ、振り向いてよ、抱きしめてよ。
I think I hate weekends.
I mean, I feel like I'm genuinely starting to hate them.
They make me feel inhuman. I don't know how, but if anything ever goes wrong, it's on a weekend. Always, always, always on the weekend.
Usually it's nothing even massive, but a bunch of little things brought on to me one after another, gradually eating away at my stability. I feel lower than dirt about now. Can't even really say entirely what brought it on.
Friday.
The world was against me, it felt like. We didn't have anything to put together to eat for dinner, so one of my least favourite conversations ensued for a good spell longer than usual. "What do you want for dinner?" "I don't know; what do you want?" My ear still hadn't popped for a while, I had a headache, and I hadn't talked to Sydney for a few days, which always makes me a little irate, even if just for the sake of going cold turkey on an old habit, not to mention the lack of having anyone to vent at or talk to. The kitchen was a mess, as was the living room. Felt like I couldn't look any one place without looking at a wreck of an area. That added to the crappy state I felt in.
I felt a little better after the pain killers took effect, and after talking to Alex and Sydney for a couple of hours from around ten to midnight, I thought I was feeling pretty good. Alex left at around one, and I kept talking to Sydney until... maybe three or so. At some point in the middle of all of this, right after Alex had left, my ear popped. That was pretty happy.
I went to bed feeling pretty good, slept until ten-thirty.
Saturday.
I woke up pretty happy, even though I wanted to sleep for a little while longer. I can't really justify sleeping after ten-thirty in most cases, though, and I try to wake up around that time as often as possible.
I don't know why.
I go downstairs, and Ange and I successfully did nothing until about two-thirty, when Mom came over. She started talking about her plans for today and how I needed to get re-sized for something because, even though I swore I hadn't grown, she claimed I had "grown around."
...
Thanks, Mama.
I love being told I'm fat. Makes me feel awesome inside.
As a matter of fact, I think we should start making this a trend!
Tell me this every day.
Without fail.
...
We went to lunch, the three of us, my mood, self-perception, and confidence having been shot to hell (like I had much to begin with), so I ate as little as humanly possible (but it was Mexican food. Really. I can't pass it up), keeping myself from overeating. I still wasn't terribly hungry from eating a little earlier, so it was alright.
We go, I get re-sized (and I was the same size, for the record). She buys me everything I look at, so I wound up getting two new vests and some other garbage that I told her not to over do, when we don't have the money. I told her 'no,' but after basically having both Ange and I being told pretty much that she doesn't give a fuck about what we think and she'll do what she wants, I really don't see much of a point in arguing.
It's a huge-ass waste of money, though, if you ask me.
We went back home after a while, and the pendulum for Mom's mood swung over to the negative. She starts throwing her little tantrums and such as the like, complaining at the drop of a hat.
Eventually, though, she leaves, and things start lightening up a little. I still feel like crap, but after I talk to Sydney again for a little while, I start to feel a little better, because after I vented bit, we changed the subject.
I went to bed at around four, feeling slightly better than I did at three-thirty this afternoon.
Sunday.
Oh dear.
We were going to go kite-flying. I threw together some tuna because I'm supposedly the best of the three of us (I personally think it's just because they're the ones not making it), stuck it in a bucket, and stuck it in the bag.
Let's back up.
I wake up around nine-thirty to banging around my room and find that Mom's in there, taking my computer out of my room (I leave it on, playing the music at night to help me sleep) to use it for God only knows what.
I fell back asleep for about another hour, then woke up and went down the stairs. Ate a couple of pieces of bacon, and then went down and got dressed. Then I made the tuna and what not.
We went to High Cliff and found no good place to fly a kite, so we sat there. I was still irritated from thoughts of the day before, so I'm still kind of not feeling my best by any stretch of the imagination. The tenseness between Ange and Mom is pretty appearent today, too. My phone starts freezing up if I try to send a text message, so what should take me about a minute tops takes me closer to five, and likely as not, I have to re-start the phone just shortly after. It's still doing that.
At some point, though, Ange had an epiphany that we'd both gained some weight via a picture Mom took, so starting on Tuesday, we're going to attempt to correct these errors. Or perhaps we'll splurge on Tuesday and then begin Wednesday. Either way. I'm going to strive to do some yoga every day this week, and God-forbid I overeat. I guess that was a positive.
Mom left early, so I went to take a nap, which was alright.
But I've been pretty irritable all day. At some point I got naucious for no particular reason, had a headache, and I just now got over the hiccups, which I'd had for about fifteen minutes.
I feel like an emotional wreck right now.
Not sure why.
I wonder how long it will last...
Monday, June 29, 2009
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Dreams unwind, love's a state of mind.
"1oo Truths"
1. Full name → Over the internet, it may as well be D'mitriya Kazimirevna Vasilieva
2. Nickname(s)→ D'ma, Mitya, Nannon, Rhi/Rhii, Banana, Nanner, Rinnin, Monkey, Monkey-Toes, Ghostfish, etc...
3. Zodiac sign → Virgo
4. Male or female → Female
5. Elementary → Varied
6. Middle School → Varied
7. High School → Varied
8. Hair color → Red
9. Long or short hair → Quite short/shaggy.
10. Loud or Quiet → Depends on how comfortable I am with the people I'm with and where we are. Usually pretty quiet, though.
11. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
12. Phone or Camera → Phone
13. Health freak → Yes
14. Smoke or Drink? → Neither
15. Do you have a crush on someone → Almost over it.
16. Eat or Drink → Both.
17. Piercings → Ears, half-considering snake bites but I doubt it'll happen.
18. Tattoos? → No, thanks.
19. Been in an airplane → Yes.
20. Been in a relationship → No.
21. Been in a car accident → Yes.
22. Been in a fist fight → No.
FIRSTS:
23. First piercing → Ears
24. First best friend → Belle
25. First award → Can't remember.
26. First crush → A Chinese waiter. I was three or so, before I even knew I had a 'crush.' Pretty ironic.
28. First big vacation → Disneyland! I was five.
LASTS:
29. Last person you talked to → Ange
30. Last person you texted → Leah
31. Last person you watched a movie with → Ange
32. Last food you ate → A cheeseburger
33. Last movie you watched → Happy Feet
34. Last song you listened to → Yuuwaku - BUCK-TICK
35. Last thing you bought → A shirt and a couple of gifts.
36. Last person you hugged → I think Mom?
FAVES:
37. Food → Anything foreign.
38. Drinks → Mostly juices, milk, or water.
39. Clothing → The covering/comfortable kind. The brighter the colours, the better.
40. Books → One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, 1984, Animal Farm, The Brothers Karamazov, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Howl's Moving Castle
41. Music → I like a lot, but my favourite people are BUCK-TICK, Loreena McKennitt, Miyavi, Nightwish, and Emily Loizeau
42. Flower → Daffodils
43. Colors → Teal, purple, black, and silver. All together, preferably.
44. Movies → Not many. I like Will Smith, though. :]
45. Hobby → Drawing, Piano
46. Subjects → Foreign languages, world history, sociology
LAST YEAR.....
I've ______
X = yes
47. [] kissed in the snow
48. [x] celebrated Halloween
49. [] had your heart broken
50. [] went over the minutes on your cell phone
51. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation
52. [] came out of the closet [Do you assume everyone is gay? I'm not opposed to it, but girls are kind of icky.]
53. [] gotten pregnant [Lmao. How?]
54. [] had an abortion [I should check this one for the laughs, considering the previous question.]
55. [x] done something you've regretted
56. [] broken a promise
57. [x] hid a secret
58. [x] pretended to be happy
59. [x] met someone who changed your life
60. [] pretended to be sick
61. [] left the country
62. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
63. [x] cried over the silliest thing
64. [] ran a mile
65. [x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
66. [x] stayed single the whole year
CURRENTLY:
67. Eating → Ate a cheeseburger just a minute ago.
68. Drinking → Water
69. I'm about to → Go take a nap
70. Listening to → Rhapsody in Blue - Glenn Miller
71. Plans for today → Sleep
72. Waiting for → To talk to Sydney again.
YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids?→ No.
74. Want to get married? → We'll see. Depends.
75. Careers in mind → Translator, artist on the side
76. Lips or eyes → Eyes
77. Shorter or taller? → Either.
78. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous, maybe with a dash of romance, but don't overdo it.
79. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach. * O* Toned stomachs are quite nice. Arms are good, too, but if I had to choose?
80. Looks or personality → Shan't lie: Initially, looks, and then later on personality. I'm a very shallow being in the beginning of a crush, though. The more androgynous, the better.
81. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
82. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Hesitant, maybe the occasional touch of trouble, but I probably need another goody-goody like myself. Or someone I can make a difference in.
HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/contacts → No. Those things are too expensive to lose.
84. Ran away from home → No.
85. Killed someone → No.
87. Been on a plane → Yes.
88. Been arrested → No.
89. Cried when someone died → Of course.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself → Not at all.
91. Miracles → Few and far between, but yes.
92. Wishes → No.
93. Heaven → Yes.
94. Santa Claus → The idea that sparks him, of general good will and wanting to give gifts, sure. The man himself? Not particularly.
95. Kissing in public → Within reason, and with good explanation.
96. Holding hands in public → Sure.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Not really.
98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → Might be in about a year. Until then.
99. Do you believe in God → Yes.
100. Post as 100 truths → Well, some things were somewhat edited, such as my name, but otherwise, it's generally true.
1. Full name → Over the internet, it may as well be D'mitriya Kazimirevna Vasilieva
2. Nickname(s)→ D'ma, Mitya, Nannon, Rhi/Rhii, Banana, Nanner, Rinnin, Monkey, Monkey-Toes, Ghostfish, etc...
3. Zodiac sign → Virgo
4. Male or female → Female
5. Elementary → Varied
6. Middle School → Varied
7. High School → Varied
8. Hair color → Red
9. Long or short hair → Quite short/shaggy.
10. Loud or Quiet → Depends on how comfortable I am with the people I'm with and where we are. Usually pretty quiet, though.
11. Sweats or Jeans → Jeans
12. Phone or Camera → Phone
13. Health freak → Yes
14. Smoke or Drink? → Neither
15. Do you have a crush on someone → Almost over it.
16. Eat or Drink → Both.
17. Piercings → Ears, half-considering snake bites but I doubt it'll happen.
18. Tattoos? → No, thanks.
19. Been in an airplane → Yes.
20. Been in a relationship → No.
21. Been in a car accident → Yes.
22. Been in a fist fight → No.
FIRSTS:
23. First piercing → Ears
24. First best friend → Belle
25. First award → Can't remember.
26. First crush → A Chinese waiter. I was three or so, before I even knew I had a 'crush.' Pretty ironic.
28. First big vacation → Disneyland! I was five.
LASTS:
29. Last person you talked to → Ange
30. Last person you texted → Leah
31. Last person you watched a movie with → Ange
32. Last food you ate → A cheeseburger
33. Last movie you watched → Happy Feet
34. Last song you listened to → Yuuwaku - BUCK-TICK
35. Last thing you bought → A shirt and a couple of gifts.
36. Last person you hugged → I think Mom?
FAVES:
37. Food → Anything foreign.
38. Drinks → Mostly juices, milk, or water.
39. Clothing → The covering/comfortable kind. The brighter the colours, the better.
40. Books → One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest, 1984, Animal Farm, The Brothers Karamazov, The Picture of Dorian Gray, Howl's Moving Castle
41. Music → I like a lot, but my favourite people are BUCK-TICK, Loreena McKennitt, Miyavi, Nightwish, and Emily Loizeau
42. Flower → Daffodils
43. Colors → Teal, purple, black, and silver. All together, preferably.
44. Movies → Not many. I like Will Smith, though. :]
45. Hobby → Drawing, Piano
46. Subjects → Foreign languages, world history, sociology
LAST YEAR.....
I've ______
X = yes
47. [] kissed in the snow
48. [x] celebrated Halloween
49. [] had your heart broken
50. [] went over the minutes on your cell phone
51. [x] someone questioned your sexual orientation
52. [] came out of the closet [Do you assume everyone is gay? I'm not opposed to it, but girls are kind of icky.]
53. [] gotten pregnant [Lmao. How?]
54. [] had an abortion [I should check this one for the laughs, considering the previous question.]
55. [x] done something you've regretted
56. [] broken a promise
57. [x] hid a secret
58. [x] pretended to be happy
59. [x] met someone who changed your life
60. [] pretended to be sick
61. [] left the country
62. [x] tried something you normally wouldn't try and liked it
63. [x] cried over the silliest thing
64. [] ran a mile
65. [x] went to the beach with your best friend(s)
66. [x] stayed single the whole year
CURRENTLY:
67. Eating → Ate a cheeseburger just a minute ago.
68. Drinking → Water
69. I'm about to → Go take a nap
70. Listening to → Rhapsody in Blue - Glenn Miller
71. Plans for today → Sleep
72. Waiting for → To talk to Sydney again.
YOUR FUTURE:
73. Want kids?→ No.
74. Want to get married? → We'll see. Depends.
75. Careers in mind → Translator, artist on the side
76. Lips or eyes → Eyes
77. Shorter or taller? → Either.
78. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous, maybe with a dash of romance, but don't overdo it.
79. Nice stomach or nice arms → Stomach. * O* Toned stomachs are quite nice. Arms are good, too, but if I had to choose?
80. Looks or personality → Shan't lie: Initially, looks, and then later on personality. I'm a very shallow being in the beginning of a crush, though. The more androgynous, the better.
81. Hook-up or relationship → Relationship.
82. Trouble-maker or hesitant → Hesitant, maybe the occasional touch of trouble, but I probably need another goody-goody like myself. Or someone I can make a difference in.
HAVE YOU EVER:
83. Lost glasses/contacts → No. Those things are too expensive to lose.
84. Ran away from home → No.
85. Killed someone → No.
87. Been on a plane → Yes.
88. Been arrested → No.
89. Cried when someone died → Of course.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
90. Yourself → Not at all.
91. Miracles → Few and far between, but yes.
92. Wishes → No.
93. Heaven → Yes.
94. Santa Claus → The idea that sparks him, of general good will and wanting to give gifts, sure. The man himself? Not particularly.
95. Kissing in public → Within reason, and with good explanation.
96. Holding hands in public → Sure.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Not really.
98. Are you seriously happy with where you are in life? → Might be in about a year. Until then.
99. Do you believe in God → Yes.
100. Post as 100 truths → Well, some things were somewhat edited, such as my name, but otherwise, it's generally true.
And you know, it might not be so bad;
You were the best I'd ever had.
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago,
I might not be alone.
...
The past is gone, but something might be found to take it's place.
Went to Noah's Ark (the waterpark in Wisconsin Dells) yesterday with a friend of mine. Left at around nine or so, then got to the Dells at around eleven-thirty. Deidre had never gone to Cracker Barrel before (and had never even heard of okra; I had to show her pictures on Monday), so we took her there, and she got to try a lot of new things, food wise, and that little golf-peg game that they have at the restaurants.
At about twelve-twenty or so, we got to the park. Went on most of the rides, so long as they didn't have that long of a line. The most people were there between two-thirty to five, but before and after that, it wasn't too crowded. More exposed flesh than any one person needs to see, but that was to be expected.
It amazes me how many people (bigger than me!) can rationalize showing so much skin. And then what really irritates me are those girls who just have fast metabolisms so they don't move or exercise and are as weak as a dried twig wear bikinis. Contrary to popular belief, they still jiggle at the stomach. It's quite revolting, really.
But the rides were pretty fun. Deidre screams a lot on those things. It's quite a stark contrast; she's such a quiet kid. I was surprised, and rather amused. It was kind of bizzare though, on the rides where there are two people, and I was sitting behind her. Her screaming, me laughing. It felt like one of those bad horror movies. The creeper in the background, laughing, while one's screaming. There were a lot of foriegners working there. It was pretty neat; I met a girl from Russia who seemed quite nice. If I weren't so shy, I would have tried to talk to her a little bit, seeing as there were no people waiting at the stand she was running. But I'm far too shy. Hell, I'm surprised I actually managed to talk to Mom's Russian friend when I met her last Friday. She's super sweet, though.
We had a good time at the waterpark, though. In the end, Mom got a toy, we got Dei and Sydney one, and I got a shirt made in India. I love their clothes; everything I've ever gotten by them were one size fits all, and it's stayed true to this day.
I didn't burn too badly; just a little pink on the shoulders and chest. Most of it's already gone, the rest should be gone tomorrow. Only problem is my ears got blocked up a bit (bad drainage). One ear's popped, the other one will eventually. It's frustrating, though. Feels like I'm half deaf until I make some noise on my upper half. Eating is a nightmare; I can hear everything.
I got home, took a shower, and promptly went to bed at about eleven-fifteen. I slept until ten-thirty. Ha. Almost twelve hours, and I'm feeling like a nap in a little while, after I eat. I'm starving. x:
My keyboard has a few missing teeth now, too. My aunt decided that the keys could be put back so she pulled one out in efforts to show me that it can be taken out to aid in my cleaning of the keyboard (cat hair everywhere ugh). So I pulled out two more by accident. It's missing the 2, 3, and A keys. It still works quite well, it's just a little strange. Took it to the Geek Squad at Best Buy, but they spent like... Fifteen minutes to no avail with it, said that a new keyboard would cost anywhere between 15o-2oo$ and then it'd take another 5o$ to replace it. Not quite sure how I feel about that. I think I'd rather just tolerate a few missing keys than to dish out almost 25o$ just to get a keyboard replaced. If it were the entire board, then I might consider it. But even then, I can type without looking, so it'd have to be missing the vital keys that I don't know what are yet.
But the 2, 3, and A? I think I can live without them. I'll just call Ange "Gimpi the Keyboard Killer" from now on. Simple enough, methinks.
Man I hope that burger cooks fast... I'm so hungry.
x wx;
If I hadn't blown the whole thing years ago,
I might not be alone.
...
The past is gone, but something might be found to take it's place.
Went to Noah's Ark (the waterpark in Wisconsin Dells) yesterday with a friend of mine. Left at around nine or so, then got to the Dells at around eleven-thirty. Deidre had never gone to Cracker Barrel before (and had never even heard of okra; I had to show her pictures on Monday), so we took her there, and she got to try a lot of new things, food wise, and that little golf-peg game that they have at the restaurants.
At about twelve-twenty or so, we got to the park. Went on most of the rides, so long as they didn't have that long of a line. The most people were there between two-thirty to five, but before and after that, it wasn't too crowded. More exposed flesh than any one person needs to see, but that was to be expected.
It amazes me how many people (bigger than me!) can rationalize showing so much skin. And then what really irritates me are those girls who just have fast metabolisms so they don't move or exercise and are as weak as a dried twig wear bikinis. Contrary to popular belief, they still jiggle at the stomach. It's quite revolting, really.
But the rides were pretty fun. Deidre screams a lot on those things. It's quite a stark contrast; she's such a quiet kid. I was surprised, and rather amused. It was kind of bizzare though, on the rides where there are two people, and I was sitting behind her. Her screaming, me laughing. It felt like one of those bad horror movies. The creeper in the background, laughing, while one's screaming. There were a lot of foriegners working there. It was pretty neat; I met a girl from Russia who seemed quite nice. If I weren't so shy, I would have tried to talk to her a little bit, seeing as there were no people waiting at the stand she was running. But I'm far too shy. Hell, I'm surprised I actually managed to talk to Mom's Russian friend when I met her last Friday. She's super sweet, though.
We had a good time at the waterpark, though. In the end, Mom got a toy, we got Dei and Sydney one, and I got a shirt made in India. I love their clothes; everything I've ever gotten by them were one size fits all, and it's stayed true to this day.
I didn't burn too badly; just a little pink on the shoulders and chest. Most of it's already gone, the rest should be gone tomorrow. Only problem is my ears got blocked up a bit (bad drainage). One ear's popped, the other one will eventually. It's frustrating, though. Feels like I'm half deaf until I make some noise on my upper half. Eating is a nightmare; I can hear everything.
I got home, took a shower, and promptly went to bed at about eleven-fifteen. I slept until ten-thirty. Ha. Almost twelve hours, and I'm feeling like a nap in a little while, after I eat. I'm starving. x:
My keyboard has a few missing teeth now, too. My aunt decided that the keys could be put back so she pulled one out in efforts to show me that it can be taken out to aid in my cleaning of the keyboard (cat hair everywhere ugh). So I pulled out two more by accident. It's missing the 2, 3, and A keys. It still works quite well, it's just a little strange. Took it to the Geek Squad at Best Buy, but they spent like... Fifteen minutes to no avail with it, said that a new keyboard would cost anywhere between 15o-2oo$ and then it'd take another 5o$ to replace it. Not quite sure how I feel about that. I think I'd rather just tolerate a few missing keys than to dish out almost 25o$ just to get a keyboard replaced. If it were the entire board, then I might consider it. But even then, I can type without looking, so it'd have to be missing the vital keys that I don't know what are yet.
But the 2, 3, and A? I think I can live without them. I'll just call Ange "Gimpi the Keyboard Killer" from now on. Simple enough, methinks.
Man I hope that burger cooks fast... I'm so hungry.
x wx;
Monday, June 15, 2009
Je te rejoins quand je m'endors~
Mais je veux te revoir encore
Où est il
L'autre bout du monde?
You'd think finding the English translations wouldn't be too hard for songs in French, even if it is by a somewhat obscure artist (at least in America). Don't like a million people speak French and English?
Hm.
That might also be why there wouldn't be too many translations easily findable, too, wouldn't it? Ugh.
Emily Loizeau~<33
I've fallen out of the habit of doing so much. The last couple of weeks of school were downright hellish, they were so busy, and so I didn't have time to do so much. Reading, posting, drawing, writing, studying my languages, sleeping, eating, hell, even breathing got hard after a while. I didn't quite realize how bad highschool teachers drop a crap-load of work on you right at the end of it all until they did, in fact, drop a crap-load of work on me right at the end of the school year.
Fortunately, however, I did well on all of it and came out with straight A's for the semester, the lowest being an A-. Joyous~.
So! In efforts to re-gain my hobbies and pastimes, I'm trying to make a concious effort to do them until they become easy for me again. I'm going to try to finish reading The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky this week (I'm halfway there and once I actually start reading it, I read a lot of it at once), I'm going to try to start making yoga a habit again, I'm posting on this for the first time in a long while (don't worry, Alex. I haven't forgotten you. <3),>
I also need to do my laundry at some point today. I think I will do that after I finish this.
Funny how I use this more as a checklist than an overview of my life sometimes. Seriously, I just wasted three long paragraphs on things I need to do and things I'm having/have had a hard time doing. Weird.
But yes. I haven't forgotten you Alex, and even though I don't always leave a note, I always read your posts. Feel better sometime, okay? You know if you need me you can always find me quite easily. I love you lots, dear. Miss the crazy good times talking to you. We'll have to organize a time to talk and catch up, even if it is only via MSN or what have you.
So, I've been out for about two weeks or so. Well, Thursday will mark my second week off, which means that I will have eleven weeks still to go. I don't really have too much planned; I just know that by August 14th, I'll need to go and get my driver's liscence renewed, but that's not too big of a deal -- Ange and I are going to go down south some time around then, anyway. Going to go down to Louisiana and then hopefully Georgia to look at the colleges I'm interested in. Even though I'm pretty psyched, it's odd to think that I'll graduate in January. I need to get even more obsessive about my grades. D: Oh dear. I might join the Hmong club next year, though. Ha; PaDer is going to be president and she wants me and Deidre to join. It'd be pretty funny; two white people surrounded by tiny Asians.
Ah, Asians. <3>
PaDer's super sweet, though. I love her to bits.
The other day I found myself wondering whether or not it was possible for two people to mutually like each other or if it was, as Sydney put it "X loves Y, Y's just along for the ride." She thinks it's something a bit psychological, since I've never really had many stable relationships around me. I suppose that might be true, and I do know that the most stable relationship that I ever wanted to be even somewhat similar to just ended in divorce, and now he's already trying to get married again to another woman. I was told he wasn't cheating, but he's too lazy to win a girl over the regular way and would instead just rather go to someone else he already knows, as if all he really wants is a woman around to take care of him. In most of the other relationships of the steady sort that I know of, the men don't really appear to do crap but come home from work, sleep, and eat, and I really don't want anything to do with a relationship like that.
So, it's a little bit of an upsetting thought, especially since I really can't think of anyone to use as a role model, besides ficticious couples that seem way too good to be true. According to Mom, my great-great grandparents had a relationship like that, but they were already long gone by the time I came around.
I'm still young though, so none of this really matters. I think I'll cry if I get to be thirty-five and never have been in a relationship before, though. Scary enough, I could see it. I guess I could just convert to Catholicism and join a convent, but I think I'll pass on that option. I like Catholics just fine, but no thanks. But I mean, I know the best comes later in life, but jeez.
I think it mostly bothers me because a lot of people I know are already paired off and even though I know it probably won't work out for them, the phrase does go "it's better to have loved than lost." And even though I haven't been in a legitimate relationship, I know that even if I lost one of my friends, it would be better than to have never known them at all.
Just some thoughts.
I had to make another stupid Facebook for people to keep in touch, as though they don't already have my damned phone number and could just call me. Oh, "social networking." How you turn people into computer and text message potatoes who don't like to talk through anything but their fingers. I can understand it in some cases, like long-distance friendships, but really. It gets ridiculous after a time.
The cottonwood trees have been making it look like it's snowing in 7o degree weather. It's quite humourous, even if snow does traumatize me now.
Où est il
L'autre bout du monde?
You'd think finding the English translations wouldn't be too hard for songs in French, even if it is by a somewhat obscure artist (at least in America). Don't like a million people speak French and English?
Hm.
That might also be why there wouldn't be too many translations easily findable, too, wouldn't it? Ugh.
Emily Loizeau~<33
I've fallen out of the habit of doing so much. The last couple of weeks of school were downright hellish, they were so busy, and so I didn't have time to do so much. Reading, posting, drawing, writing, studying my languages, sleeping, eating, hell, even breathing got hard after a while. I didn't quite realize how bad highschool teachers drop a crap-load of work on you right at the end of it all until they did, in fact, drop a crap-load of work on me right at the end of the school year.
Fortunately, however, I did well on all of it and came out with straight A's for the semester, the lowest being an A-. Joyous~.
So! In efforts to re-gain my hobbies and pastimes, I'm trying to make a concious effort to do them until they become easy for me again. I'm going to try to finish reading The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoyevsky this week (I'm halfway there and once I actually start reading it, I read a lot of it at once), I'm going to try to start making yoga a habit again, I'm posting on this for the first time in a long while (don't worry, Alex. I haven't forgotten you. <3),>
I also need to do my laundry at some point today. I think I will do that after I finish this.
Funny how I use this more as a checklist than an overview of my life sometimes. Seriously, I just wasted three long paragraphs on things I need to do and things I'm having/have had a hard time doing. Weird.
But yes. I haven't forgotten you Alex, and even though I don't always leave a note, I always read your posts. Feel better sometime, okay? You know if you need me you can always find me quite easily. I love you lots, dear. Miss the crazy good times talking to you. We'll have to organize a time to talk and catch up, even if it is only via MSN or what have you.
So, I've been out for about two weeks or so. Well, Thursday will mark my second week off, which means that I will have eleven weeks still to go. I don't really have too much planned; I just know that by August 14th, I'll need to go and get my driver's liscence renewed, but that's not too big of a deal -- Ange and I are going to go down south some time around then, anyway. Going to go down to Louisiana and then hopefully Georgia to look at the colleges I'm interested in. Even though I'm pretty psyched, it's odd to think that I'll graduate in January. I need to get even more obsessive about my grades. D: Oh dear. I might join the Hmong club next year, though. Ha; PaDer is going to be president and she wants me and Deidre to join. It'd be pretty funny; two white people surrounded by tiny Asians.
Ah, Asians. <3>
PaDer's super sweet, though. I love her to bits.
The other day I found myself wondering whether or not it was possible for two people to mutually like each other or if it was, as Sydney put it "X loves Y, Y's just along for the ride." She thinks it's something a bit psychological, since I've never really had many stable relationships around me. I suppose that might be true, and I do know that the most stable relationship that I ever wanted to be even somewhat similar to just ended in divorce, and now he's already trying to get married again to another woman. I was told he wasn't cheating, but he's too lazy to win a girl over the regular way and would instead just rather go to someone else he already knows, as if all he really wants is a woman around to take care of him. In most of the other relationships of the steady sort that I know of, the men don't really appear to do crap but come home from work, sleep, and eat, and I really don't want anything to do with a relationship like that.
So, it's a little bit of an upsetting thought, especially since I really can't think of anyone to use as a role model, besides ficticious couples that seem way too good to be true. According to Mom, my great-great grandparents had a relationship like that, but they were already long gone by the time I came around.
I'm still young though, so none of this really matters. I think I'll cry if I get to be thirty-five and never have been in a relationship before, though. Scary enough, I could see it. I guess I could just convert to Catholicism and join a convent, but I think I'll pass on that option. I like Catholics just fine, but no thanks. But I mean, I know the best comes later in life, but jeez.
I think it mostly bothers me because a lot of people I know are already paired off and even though I know it probably won't work out for them, the phrase does go "it's better to have loved than lost." And even though I haven't been in a legitimate relationship, I know that even if I lost one of my friends, it would be better than to have never known them at all.
Just some thoughts.
I had to make another stupid Facebook for people to keep in touch, as though they don't already have my damned phone number and could just call me. Oh, "social networking." How you turn people into computer and text message potatoes who don't like to talk through anything but their fingers. I can understand it in some cases, like long-distance friendships, but really. It gets ridiculous after a time.
The cottonwood trees have been making it look like it's snowing in 7o degree weather. It's quite humourous, even if snow does traumatize me now.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
My dear, there's been a change of plans~
So, on Saturday afternoon, I suppose I had the most interesting time to report as of late. Went to a Ska and Reggae festival at a bar in the local area or so with a friend of mine; met up another friend there. Of course, I recognized way too many people there and most of them are those super-fake people who seem to pretend to like or do something just because it's 'trendy,' and those sort of people rather scare me. I know they shouldn't, but...
The festival was fun, though. It's just a little dissappointing when one's favourite band is second in the lineup out of ten or so and all of the other bands just kind of seem to pale in comparison. They were called the 2 Tone Runts, had some pretty good stuff, it seemed like. I bought a CD and Deidre got a shirt, but we bought them together and saved five bucks, and the lead singer was even willing to sign both of them.
Couldn't find the trombonist or the organist that I had fallen in love with, though. They ditched way too early and went off into the bar side where we were both too young to go into, so we waited for a while but they never came back. But the trombonist had such pretty gold hair. * O* And he was much prettier on stage than in close proximity (I walked like... Two feet past him), but he was super tall and I still love his hair.
Then, I wound up catching Deidre's cold on accident because I forgot she was sick. I felt naucious on Monday after only managing to get 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night, then on Tuesday I decided to just become exhausted after about my fourth class or so, so I decided to stay home and sleep today.
Which I have done.
Since last night when I went to bed and up until now, I've probably managed a good sixteen hours of sleep solid. Feeling a little better, and I've taken the oppourtunity to catch up in my mathwork, pull farther ahead in my reading, and in a little while I'll work on a report for Science and work on my Japanese or something to that effect. Should work out nicely, I think, provided I actually do it.
I'll go back to school tomorrow. I'll have a quiz in Geometry to make up, but that's alright.
I wonder how you take out the buttons of a keyboard... It sure could use a good cleaning underneath.
15 more days until the end of the school year! Yay.
The festival was fun, though. It's just a little dissappointing when one's favourite band is second in the lineup out of ten or so and all of the other bands just kind of seem to pale in comparison. They were called the 2 Tone Runts, had some pretty good stuff, it seemed like. I bought a CD and Deidre got a shirt, but we bought them together and saved five bucks, and the lead singer was even willing to sign both of them.
Couldn't find the trombonist or the organist that I had fallen in love with, though. They ditched way too early and went off into the bar side where we were both too young to go into, so we waited for a while but they never came back. But the trombonist had such pretty gold hair. * O* And he was much prettier on stage than in close proximity (I walked like... Two feet past him), but he was super tall and I still love his hair.
Then, I wound up catching Deidre's cold on accident because I forgot she was sick. I felt naucious on Monday after only managing to get 3 hours of sleep on Sunday night, then on Tuesday I decided to just become exhausted after about my fourth class or so, so I decided to stay home and sleep today.
Which I have done.
Since last night when I went to bed and up until now, I've probably managed a good sixteen hours of sleep solid. Feeling a little better, and I've taken the oppourtunity to catch up in my mathwork, pull farther ahead in my reading, and in a little while I'll work on a report for Science and work on my Japanese or something to that effect. Should work out nicely, I think, provided I actually do it.
I'll go back to school tomorrow. I'll have a quiz in Geometry to make up, but that's alright.
I wonder how you take out the buttons of a keyboard... It sure could use a good cleaning underneath.
15 more days until the end of the school year! Yay.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
One, Two, Three, Four, Five, Six, Nine, and Ten;
Money can't buy you back the love that you had then.
...
Old teenage hopes are alive at your door,
Left you with nothing, but still they want more.
Mmm. So I never got anything.
To make sure that nothing just got miscommunicated somewhere or if he's just shy, my friends are all telling me to go back to the restaurant. I might in about a month; maybe make myself seem a little less desperate. Ashley suggested that maybe he had written a note for me, too, and then went on to say how cute that would be. Sure, cute. Logical? No.
Oh well. I'll go later; I don't think I could right now. I'm hoping that when Abby takes her mom on Sunday that maybe he'll mention me or something to give me some sort of green light to go back there without pointing and laughter on his part. Or maybe if my family goes without me. Not likely, though. Not crossing my fingers anymore; I'm starting to lose hope, although I still am terribly fond of him. I guess it happens.
Tomorrow I go in for an AP test that I didn't even have to take and I didn't know about it. Eight in the morning; then Mr. Walker wants me to go over to the high-ropes course afterwards to catch up with the gang. We were supposed to go today, but got rained out. He suggested that I go after I finish up my test. He's so awesome. Super nice.
So tomorrow will be about one of the biggest slack-off-while-technically-at-school days that I've had in a long time. Sounds amusing, but it also sounds like make-up-work Friday, too.
I guess I can take it.
I found a poem to memorize; I have to memorize it by the 15th, but that's okay. It's Longfellow; I like him alright. He's one of my favourites, honestly. "The Day is Done" or whatever it's called. It's pretty sweet. I would've tried to memorize The Raven by Poe, but I'd've needed to know that we were doing this sometime shortly after Christmas. I know the first stanza, but that's about it.
We're also reading One Flew Over The Cucoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, too. I'm seriously likeing the book so far. Asylum tales for the win.
We're in the Cold War in US History, too. Yay Soviet Union. <3
The wrap-up of the school year is always a lovely overload of stupid crap that teachers couldn't evenly space out, isn't it? They knew the end of the year was coming, but they always dawdle on some part or another.
Wonder how this weekend'll work out.
Mother's Day is on Sunday; I don't know what to do for Mom. At all. I might just write her an I.O.U. She didn't react well enough to the painting I did for her birthday and instead seemed to find the card that I wasted 45 minutes on (as opposed to six hours) much more worthwhile.
Wow parents fail at some things.
Maybe I'll write her the I.O.U. and then take her to lunch one day.
I don't know.
Suggestions?
Wish I could sleep well as of late...
...
Old teenage hopes are alive at your door,
Left you with nothing, but still they want more.
Mmm. So I never got anything.
To make sure that nothing just got miscommunicated somewhere or if he's just shy, my friends are all telling me to go back to the restaurant. I might in about a month; maybe make myself seem a little less desperate. Ashley suggested that maybe he had written a note for me, too, and then went on to say how cute that would be. Sure, cute. Logical? No.
Oh well. I'll go later; I don't think I could right now. I'm hoping that when Abby takes her mom on Sunday that maybe he'll mention me or something to give me some sort of green light to go back there without pointing and laughter on his part. Or maybe if my family goes without me. Not likely, though. Not crossing my fingers anymore; I'm starting to lose hope, although I still am terribly fond of him. I guess it happens.
Tomorrow I go in for an AP test that I didn't even have to take and I didn't know about it. Eight in the morning; then Mr. Walker wants me to go over to the high-ropes course afterwards to catch up with the gang. We were supposed to go today, but got rained out. He suggested that I go after I finish up my test. He's so awesome. Super nice.
So tomorrow will be about one of the biggest slack-off-while-technically-at-school days that I've had in a long time. Sounds amusing, but it also sounds like make-up-work Friday, too.
I guess I can take it.
I found a poem to memorize; I have to memorize it by the 15th, but that's okay. It's Longfellow; I like him alright. He's one of my favourites, honestly. "The Day is Done" or whatever it's called. It's pretty sweet. I would've tried to memorize The Raven by Poe, but I'd've needed to know that we were doing this sometime shortly after Christmas. I know the first stanza, but that's about it.
We're also reading One Flew Over The Cucoo's Nest by Ken Kesey, too. I'm seriously likeing the book so far. Asylum tales for the win.
We're in the Cold War in US History, too. Yay Soviet Union. <3
The wrap-up of the school year is always a lovely overload of stupid crap that teachers couldn't evenly space out, isn't it? They knew the end of the year was coming, but they always dawdle on some part or another.
Wonder how this weekend'll work out.
Mother's Day is on Sunday; I don't know what to do for Mom. At all. I might just write her an I.O.U. She didn't react well enough to the painting I did for her birthday and instead seemed to find the card that I wasted 45 minutes on (as opposed to six hours) much more worthwhile.
Wow parents fail at some things.
Maybe I'll write her the I.O.U. and then take her to lunch one day.
I don't know.
Suggestions?
Wish I could sleep well as of late...
Saturday, May 2, 2009
So it's there my homage due;
Clutched by the still of the night.
Even the distance feels so near;
All for the love of you.
Whoo I got Abby to like new musics today--She already likes Enya, but I added Loreena McKennitt onto that list. She's an amazing singer; I love her songs to bits. Abby says she wantes the CD of hers that I have 'cause she really liked what she heard, which was awesome. We went to the restaurant and then to a bookstore today. She and I could spend forever and a day in one of those; a lot of the time I spent with her just staring at the pretty women in a makeover book.
They make us sick; but they're so pretty. Jeez.
I bought a book with those funny Chinese-translated-into-English signs in it. It's amazing.
But, onto the story you want to hear about (Or I at least want to tell maybe)...
Waiter-guy was actually super happy acting today again. I hope things got better for him; he was so sad looking last time. I didn't do anything dumb enough for him to giggle at me, but I sure got Abby laughing. Like, for the first fifteen minutes I was sitting there freaking out so bad my hands were shaking andI couldn't stop giggling. Gradually, I calmed down, but it was silly to her. She said he looked back in my direction before he went and hid in the kitchen area, but I don't know if I should believe he was looking specifically at me or not. Whatever.
Anyway, so we had our lunch and all of that, and then we began talking about effective ways to give him the note. Finally, we resolved to leave it in the payment wallet they give and take back, and so I put around one of the tip-dollars and made sure he got it. I then said "there's no change," and promptly ran out the door as I saw him fingering through the money and probably finding the note. Abby said she thought he did, and then laughed at me and told me that I ran out of the door so fast that it looked like I had stolen something.
We then went to the bookstore; I bought that book and managed to see my old Sociology teacher from last semester. We talked for a little while I was waiting on Abby to find her family some books. He seems to be doing pretty well. Before that, though, we spent about an hour just looking through books and CDs, mostly in the sales racks. That was fun. We went over and looked in all of the foreign-language section, too. Goofed off a bit.
But all fun things must come to an end; she had to go home to get ready for the prom tonight (I'm not going); get her hair done, get her dress on, makeup, nails, blah blah.
Kind of a waste of money if you ask me, but I hope she has a good time. I'll probably try to go to Kaley's prom next year if I can somehow get to Michigan; we planned it out a little while ago.
I'm feeling so anxious right now. My stomach's a little queezy; not bad, but irritating.
I hope it works out alright...
Mmm.
I'm going to go take a nap, I think.
Even the distance feels so near;
All for the love of you.
Whoo I got Abby to like new musics today--She already likes Enya, but I added Loreena McKennitt onto that list. She's an amazing singer; I love her songs to bits. Abby says she wantes the CD of hers that I have 'cause she really liked what she heard, which was awesome. We went to the restaurant and then to a bookstore today. She and I could spend forever and a day in one of those; a lot of the time I spent with her just staring at the pretty women in a makeover book.
They make us sick; but they're so pretty. Jeez.
I bought a book with those funny Chinese-translated-into-English signs in it. It's amazing.
But, onto the story you want to hear about (Or I at least want to tell maybe)...
Waiter-guy was actually super happy acting today again. I hope things got better for him; he was so sad looking last time. I didn't do anything dumb enough for him to giggle at me, but I sure got Abby laughing. Like, for the first fifteen minutes I was sitting there freaking out so bad my hands were shaking andI couldn't stop giggling. Gradually, I calmed down, but it was silly to her. She said he looked back in my direction before he went and hid in the kitchen area, but I don't know if I should believe he was looking specifically at me or not. Whatever.
Anyway, so we had our lunch and all of that, and then we began talking about effective ways to give him the note. Finally, we resolved to leave it in the payment wallet they give and take back, and so I put around one of the tip-dollars and made sure he got it. I then said "there's no change," and promptly ran out the door as I saw him fingering through the money and probably finding the note. Abby said she thought he did, and then laughed at me and told me that I ran out of the door so fast that it looked like I had stolen something.
We then went to the bookstore; I bought that book and managed to see my old Sociology teacher from last semester. We talked for a little while I was waiting on Abby to find her family some books. He seems to be doing pretty well. Before that, though, we spent about an hour just looking through books and CDs, mostly in the sales racks. That was fun. We went over and looked in all of the foreign-language section, too. Goofed off a bit.
But all fun things must come to an end; she had to go home to get ready for the prom tonight (I'm not going); get her hair done, get her dress on, makeup, nails, blah blah.
Kind of a waste of money if you ask me, but I hope she has a good time. I'll probably try to go to Kaley's prom next year if I can somehow get to Michigan; we planned it out a little while ago.
I'm feeling so anxious right now. My stomach's a little queezy; not bad, but irritating.
I hope it works out alright...
Mmm.
I'm going to go take a nap, I think.
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